Those who were keeping their eye on the final ups and downs of the Drunk chart during last weekend could have been forgiven for thinking they were on the Scenic Railway. But for the absence of screaming and the presence of airborne kiddie vomit (well, hopefully).
I lost track of who had their nose in front at different stages...

- FRANCO is a Magpies supporter, so bear that in mind when handing out congratulations... Rolled the dice on a Port victory over the Tiges as his break-out game and it worked.
Franco sat 24th at about the halfway mark of the season, so a sensational second half of the year. Unconfirmed rumours have him being seen out and about with Ben Cousins and Travis Tuck, which may explain it...
- Dickwad. The unlucky one. The Rising Drunk Star in his first season. just had to get in front of Sammy and Franco. Just one game. Lost the advantage over Franco when his Tiges lost, but got back on even footing and overtook Sammy by backing the Roos in the last. Fell short by a mere 41 points in margin to Franco over the course of the season. That's less than 2 points a game. Half a point a quarter. That's unlucky.
- Sammy, last year's victor, had everyone chasing him and justifiably went conservative. Didn't work. Dropped 4 games.
- Grant shoved his name right in front of the selectors when his Hawkers upset the popular pies, making him even on points with the top 3, from there on went the popular picks so didn't get there.
- I had to make up 3 on the leaders but had a good margin, second only to Sammy, so was an outside chance. Made my move on Adelaide to beat the Saints, which gave me an extra win, but also the best margin, then picked up the Port win, but blew it by backing my Dees.
- Matt, needing to make up 2, and a fair bit of margin, made life tough for himself picking his Blues at Subi, as we know they fell an agonising (for Matt) 6 points short. Not much for after that, made some amends by picking the Roos against the flow, but ended up even on 5.
- Bernie had 3 to make up to but had a huge margin against him, Picked up the Hawks and the Port win. Not enough.

So well done Franco. We'll grab the Cup back from Sammy, give it a good wash and scratch your name in it again.
Oh... and hand over roughly 1,300 smackers.
Well played. Hope your team loses.

There'll be more later in the week to finish up the PunchLeague, the Head, money, the Drink and anything else we've neglected. Finals details are just down below though.

No sooner do we finish mains and desert arrives. But alas, not for all.
The Top 8 Drunks move through to the PunchDrunk Finals. For a mere $10 extra, they have the chance to pick up the winner-takes-all $80 for the GF winner.
It follows the same McIntosh-Duckworth-Maguire-Goldspink formula the league follows so it's pretty unstraightforward, as follows:

We need a winner, and a margin in your designated game. As always picking a winner takes precedence over the margin. Please note whether you need top give an odd, or even margin.
I'll contact each of the 8 who'll give me their secret guess by Friday.
As I'm up against Kurtz, we'll each give our tips to a trusted independent panel of Drunks, before revealing them top each other. Just need to find someone's who's trustworthy.

UPDATE:

Dispatch from D-Day
Dateline: Dawn, D-Day.
Never before in the anal of PunchDrunk History has such a situation situated itself such.
Here we sit just 2 games from the end of the home-and-away season, 2 games from the end of PunchDrunk proper for 2010, and no less than 5 Drunks can win it. 4 with a good chance, and one who's totally kidding himself.
Grant's put himself way back in contention, and through a heady combination of luck, wisdom and pig-headed loyalty nabbed the result of yesterday's knife-edge Hawks v Pies melodrama. Now we have not three, but 4 Drunks nestled together on 118, Sam's still out in front, Franco, Dickwad and Grant trailing only through inferior margin-calls.
Exciting? Tell me about it.
You'd have to think it all hinges on who does what in the very last game of the season, the twilight game, the toss-up game at the G between the Dees and the Roos. It's a day of chances, guesses, second-guesses but no second-chances.
Like a game within a game, like a wheel within a wheel, like a hotdog in a bun, like a hand in a rubber glove, like a finger in your ear-hole, the machinations are as endless as this sentence appears to be... will it ever end? The psychological by-play is as important as the game itself.
Go forth unto battle chaps, where only the Drunkest may prevail.

p.s. Was anyone else mortified to receive the 16 pages of magpie filth delivered to their bedside inside the Age yesterday morn, in lieu of the Good Weekend? Excuse me but what the fuck was that all about? Those c*nts don't need any more encouragement, or free advertising features. Made a good bin-liner at my place. At least the Hawks improved the weekend for most of us a few hours later.

Drunk on a ladder. Round 21.

Holy FREAKIN fre-jole... Too close to call here too!
Well looky here. One round to go. THREE Drunks locked together on 114 (last years champ, Sammy, the winner from '07 Franco and new boy Dickwad). Looks like a well-hung parliament of Drunks. Of course Sammy has the benefit of a much lower margin total than the other two, 71 points over Franco and 123 over Rich. I can't see that being turned around this week so they'll have to overhaul him with an extra win.
One point behind these three is Grant, another former winner, and a further point behind is Matt. In the event of a huge upheaval, one point further back, your's truly, Coxy and Bernie may not be too far off, and make up the 8 on 111.
It looks like it may all come to margin difference....

This time last year Sammy sat third and jumped both myself, in second, and the very long-term leader Craig to snatch it in the final round.
Hold my hand darling and let's take a walk down Memory Lane...
And here's the current Eye-Chart.

Good luck to all. May the Most Drunk Win.

PunchDrink
A small but chummy turn-up for last week's drink. A little like the crowd at a Port Adelaide or North Melbourne home game, except we weren't surrounded by ass-holes.
And I know we've just put one out, but we have a date for the Big PunchDrunk Night of Dreams Presentation and Pie Night. Nothing but the date yet, but put this in your Filofaxes: Thursday 23rd September. That's the Thursday before the Granny.

Money
It's coming in, dribbling like your grandpa when you feed him his mushed liver and peas, but still some more to come in.
I'll be nagging those who haven't, til they have, on a weekly basis.

It seems everyone's been holding their breath in excitement at the deadlock in Celebrity Head. I thought everyone had turned blue and passed out, but at the death we have some late postal votes and votes from some outer booths trickling in...

Nick's just bobbed up with Mark Ricciuto
Harv said: Mark Ricciuto, Dean Soloman and St Frank Thring.

So that's one each for our leaders. Yet another deadlock here

The notion of Australia's first saint, Frank Thring and Celebrity Head terrify me somewhat, but oddly seem to go together like hand in leather glove.

This week's Head is the last one, so make it count.

Sadly, nothing really matters here any more.
Somehow we all managed to contrive a Grand Final play-off between two outsiders, high profile outsiders to be sure, but definite ring-ins.
So Dean Cox's Big Birds go at Jonathan Brown's Roosters. Who cares?
I nominate Jim Richo's Cheesedales as Domestic Champions, edging out the Chimps in taking out the minor premiership, scoring the highest no of points througout the season and finishing next best in the finals to this stage.

Still life here though. Given the dire situation in the top half I won't poop on the party and point out that Dirk and Grant are battling out a grand Final for 9th and 10th. At least they are One Of Us.
Go on boys, make us proud.