Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Franco's Big Year continues... The Cup, a G.F. berth for his filthy Pies, as well as for himself in the Drunk Finals. Is there no stopping this man?
It's happened before. Last year in fact, when Sammy, Franco's opponent this saturday as it happens, did the Trifecta with his cats winning the Granny, and Sammy winning the Cup and the GF. Tassy did likewise a few years back from memory.
That's Franco and Sammy morphing it out up there in the header

But let's not get ahead of ourselves the worst hasn't happened, yet.
Down further if you can be bothered there's more from the DrunkTank, and some highly infectious humour...

And just in case you'd forgotten we're only 2 days from the PunchDrunk Night of the Holy Grail. get excited.

In Case of Emergency

Prepare yourselves, there a Jolly good chance the worst will happen on saturday afternoon...
So just in case arm yourselves with these small comedic talismans.
Many thanks to the collectors who have these out on loan, Dickwad and Jimmy Mac.
Many are priceless antiques, all are genuine:

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old female Collingwood supporter?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger, for no reason what so ever.

Q. What do you call a female Collingwood supporter in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a Collingwood supporter quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two Collingwood supporters in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. Why is three Collingwood supporters going over a cliff in Lexus a shame?
A. Because a Lexus has four seats.

Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:

1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.

A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend "What's happened to your car ?"
"Well," the friend responds, "I ran over Nathan Buckley".
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt ?"
"Well, he tried to escape through the park."

Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Collingwood fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot the Collingwood fan - twice.

Q. What is the difference between an Collingwood Fan and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

Q. How do you know if your house has been robbed by a Collingwood supporter?
A. Your bins are empty and your dog's pregnant.

A Collingwood Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall." She says
"I'll take the red one."
The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."



(30 votes)

Franco: Darren Jolly (3)
Kate: Not Bazza (Not 0)
Rich: Matthew Boyd (20)
Joff: Jimmy Bartel (18)
Grant: boyd WB (20)
Frank: nick riewoldt (8)
Richo: Leonard Hayes (19)
Stoddy: Joel Selwood (21)
Kurtz: Nick Dal Santo (7)
Corey: Adam Cooney (8)
Stan: Brendan Goddard (14)
Dirk: Ryan Griffin (7)
Dickwad: Cooney (8)
Alex: Adam Goodes (13)
Harv: Dan Rich (2)
Jesper: Riewolt (8)
Ando: Corey Enright (3)

Nutshell: I reckon if we'd guessed these yesterday morning there'd still be no-one who got it...



Franco: Collingwood v Bulldogs
Kate: Dogs and Saints
Rich: Dogs v Saints
Joff: Saints v Hawks
Grant: hawks v dogs
Frank: Saints V Geelong
Richo: Cats and Pies
Stoddy: Bulldogs, Geelong
Kurtz: Collingwood v Dogs
Sean: Collingwood v Dogs
Corey: Adelaide v Bulldogs
Stan: St Kilda v Bulldogs
Dirk: Cats and Dogs
Dickwad: Western Bulldogs v St Kilda
Alex: Western Bulldogs v St Kilda
Harv: Western Bulldogs v Lions
Jesper: Cats n’ Dogs
Ando: Geelong v Adelaide

Nutshell: We were all around it, but no-one got there.... Everyone picked at least one top 4 team, more than half picked one grand finalist, none got both.

Friday, September 17, 2010

In Honour of our Co-Champions of Head, there they are sharing the Head-Space up there. Harv and Nick. Congrats chaps.

Last year I forgot to ask. The year before I lost all your answers due to an email malfunction, the year before I probably just did nothing with the answers I got.
This year, I've dug 'em up and will scatter them round.
The first half of your pre-season answers right here. Who says we know anything about footy?

Pies, Cats, Saints, Dogs, Swans, Dockers, Hawks, Blues

FRANCO: Collingwood, Bulldogs, St Kilda, Brisbane, Lions, Geelong, Hawthorn, Essendon, North Melbourne
KATE: Dogs, Saints, Cats, Lions, Pies, Hawks, Freo, Port
DICK: Saints, Dogs, Hawks, Cats, Pies, Lions, Swans, Dons, Crows
JOFF: Saints, Geelong, Hawks, Bulldogs, Collingwood, Power, Brisbane, Blues
GRANT: Hawthorn saints pies cats lions dogs swans bombers
FRANK: Saints, Geelong, Adelaide, Bulldogs, Collingwood, Brisbane, Essendon, Hawthorn
RICHO: Saints, Dogs, Pies, Cats, Hawks, Lions, Crows, Swans
STODDY: Bulldogs, Geelong, St Kilda, Collingwood, Crows, Lions, Essendon, Hawthorn
KURTZ: Hawthorn, St Kilda, Geelong, Adelaide, WCE, Brisbane
COXY: Collingwood, Dogs, Saints, Hawthorn, Port, Adelaide, Brisbane, Carlton
COREY: St. Kilda, Bulldogs, Adelaide, Geelong, Collingwood, Brisbane, Hawthorn, Essendon
STAN: Bulldogs, St Kilda, Geelong, Hawthorn, Collingwood, Adelaide, Port, Brisbane
DIRK: Cats, Saints, Dogs, Hawks, Swans, Port, Crows and Bears
DICKWAD: Bulldogs, St Kilda, Geelong, Collingwood, Adelaide, Brisbane, West Coast, Hawthorn
ALEX: Bulldogs, St Kilda, Geelong, Essendon, Sydney, Carlton, Hawthorn, Brisbane
HARV: Saints, Bulldogs, Lions, Collingwood, Adelaide, Geelong, Hawthorn, West Coast
JESPER: Cats, Saints, Bulldogs, Pies, Lions, Blues, Crows, Hawthorn
ANDO: Saints, Adelaide, Geelong, Collingwood, Bulldogs, Brisbane, Carlton, West Coast

NUTSHELL: Everyone picked 5 or 6 finalists. Adelaide, Essendon and the Lions were the big disappointments. Only Kate picked Freo.



Franco: Tigers
Kate: Tigers
Dick: Tigers
Joff: Melbourne
Grant: Tigers
Frank: Melbourne
Richo: Fremantle
Stoddy: Tigers
Kurtz: Melbourne
Sean: Tigers
Corey: Fremantle
Stan: Tigers
Dirk: Melbourne
Dickwad: Melbourne
Alex: Melbourne
Harv: Port Power
Jesper: Tigers
Ando: Tigers

NUTSHELL: Dees and Tiges? You guys are kidding yourselves.



Franco: Barry Hall 83
Kate: Fevola 76
Rich: Jonathan Brown 82
Joff: Franklin 74
Grant: Franklin 108
Frank: Fevola -
Richo: Fevola 87
Stoddy: Barry Hall 87
Kurtz: Barry Hall 87
Sean: Fevola 67
Corey: Buddy Franklin 89
Stan: Buddy Franklin 80
Dirk: Bradshaw 104
Dickwad: Big Bad Bazza 87
Alex: Barry Hall 112
Harv: Fevola 102
Jesper: Bazza 91
Ando: Big Bad Barry 86

NUTSHELL: Big Bad Bazza had a good year, but still let a lot of folks down. 87 is a very popular number. Jack Who?


Franco: NIc Naitanui
Kate: Nic Naitanui
Rich: Dustin Martin
Joff: -
Grant: Michael Barlow
Frank: Rhys Stanley
Richo: Nic Naitanui
Stoddy: Nic Naitanui
Kurtz: Nic Naitanui
Sean: Dustin Martin
Corey: Nic Naitanui
Stan: Nic Naitanui
Dirk: Dustin Martin
Dickwad: Dustin Martin
Alex: Majak Daw
Harv: Nic Naitanui
Jesper: ?
Ando: Jack somebody - Dees

NUTSHELL: Nic Nat is little more than a highly mobile lampshade. Dusty Martin shouldna got rubbed out. Grant's a good judge of Horse-flesh, but didn't read the age rules.

REALITY: MARK WILLIAMS (I'm calling it a sacking)

Franco: Mark Harvey
Kate: No sackings, but Damian Hardwick will attempt suicide
Dick: Malthouse (quits)
Joff: Dean Bailey
Grant: Neil Craig
Frank: Mark Williams
Richo: Bomber Thompson for a punch-up with Big Gaz re the GC
Stoddy: -
Kurtz: Mark Harvey
Sean: Michael Voss
Corey: Mark Harvey
Stan: Malthouse (quits)
Dirk: No Sackings
Dickwad: Mark Harvey
Alex: Dean Bailey
Harv: Mark Williams
Jesper: ?
Ando: Mark Harvey

NUTSHELL: A coup[le calling for the head of WunderCoach Mark Harvey may have been a little adrift. Harv and Frank have their finger on the pulse. Grant and Coxy showing a little prescience. Matthew Knights musta been looking the goods just a few months back.

That's it.
Beer o'clock.

So here it is:
A draw. Both Nick and Harv got 100% this week so can't split 'em and I hereby give up trying.
Joffa made a lunge at the line with James Manson, A Demon, Charlie Manson. I reckon, even though the shot of Sean Charles was when he was a Saint (which I don't actually remember) he played his good footy with the Dees, I'll pay half a point. Joffa draws for third with Taffa.

And so, just as he has with many folks before us, the unholiest of the holies, Charlie Manson, has finished us off. For this year at least.
This is it: